Doggy Style

Look, when I said you could tie me up and treat me badly, this wasn’t really what I had in mind.

I’d Like To Think Dead People Have A Sense Of Humor. At Least I Hope So.

Every year on the anniversary of his death, Aldo went to visit his uncle Ruff’s grave.  Before his untimely death, Ruff had been Aldo’s idol, teaching the young pup the proper way to roll over and when it was or was not appropriate to sniff a bitch’s behind.  It was only as he got older that Aldo realized that when he had accompanied Ruff on the seemingly harmless excursions running after cars he had, in actuality, been enabling his uncle’s full-blown chase-aholism.  What had looked like a freak traffic accident was really only an inevitability of Ruff’s addiction.  Nevertheless, despite his flaws, Aldo had loved Ruff, and so yearly went to pay his respects to his uncle, pee a little on his grave and bury a bone in his honor.

USA! USA! USA!

In the hours leading up to the much-hyped USA v. England match, Alistair tried to explain the offsides rule to his American friends, who didn’t appear to know or care that much about football (oh, ahem, excuse me, they call it “soccer” here).  He didn’t really know why he bothered.  What was the point of teaching them the subtle nuances of a game they were just going to forget about after World Cup for the next four years, anyway?  England was going to crush these uncultured former colonists.

Anxiety

Something about public restrooms made Aldo nervous.  Maybe it was because he had no idea who was there before him and what their personal hygiene was like.  Maybe it was because anybody could just walk by at any time and hear what he was doing.  Maybe it was because he had a terrible fear of being unwillingly caught in the middle of some Larry Craig-like incident.  Whatever it was, Aldo always tried desperately to wait until he got home, but sometimes that just wasn’t an option.

Percy Notices Expiration Date, Nearly Expires

So do I take it it’s time to get rid of the milk?

Poker Night

Most of the guys had never heard of any of the poker games Tim wanted to play.  “Smack the Bishop”?  “Chase The Lady ‘Round The Ol’ Oak Tree”?  “Fishes Wild?”  Whatever happened to good old Texas Hold’em or five card stud?  Unfortunately, Tim was the only one of them who had a poker set and a big enough apartment for them to all get together in, so they had to play what he wanted, even if everybody was convinced he just made the games up as he went along.

Ava-terrific

Afterwards, Aldo and Mrs. Poopmonster would decide that those people who said Avatar and Pocahontas were the same story were right on the money. Aldo felt that the similarities ended there, though. For one thing, Avatar was fiction, and Pocahontas was supposed to be based on a true story, although the historical inaccuracies were astounding. Also, Pocahontas didn’t have 3D. Aldo and Mrs. Poopmonster loved 3D.

No Hellraiser, Either

I don’t care if that is your favorite movie, I let you be in charge of the DVD player for Halloween.  Tomorrow is Christmas, and I say we watch Elf.

I Hope You Like Cake, Because That’s All You’re Getting

Nifty at 50, Super at 60?  That’s all you could come up with?  And buttercream icing?  I hate buttercream icing.  I specifically told you to get cream cheese icing.

*Happy Birthday, Dad