I Could Swear I Just Heard A Mountain Lion

While Trojan and Kevin argued over which way the trail went, Pinky fretted.  Kevin said he used to be a boy scout, where he had learned to be an expert at map-reading.  Trojan fired back and asked if he was such a pro, then why had they gotten lost in the first place?  Pinky thought all the arguing was not going to get them home any sooner.  Why had nobody brought a cell phone?  Communing with nature and getting away from society was all well and good and everything until you were in desperate need of some GPS.  As the boys continued to debate among themselves, Pinky heard the ominous sounds of branches snapping and low-pitched growling.  Oh God, they were going to die out here…

Close Your Eyes and Count to 100…

Wedged in among the rolling pin and baking dishes, Pinky thought to herself that she must be the the craftiest hide-and-seeker ever.  She’d been hiding in the cabinet for an hour so far and nobody had found her yet.  She would have been less satisfied if she had known that her friends had abandoned the game about fifty-five minutes ago and gone shopping without her.  Hours later, her friends would remember that they’d left Pinky at home and return, where they would find her and pretend to marvel at the ingenuity of her hiding spot.  Being none the wiser, and despite the stiffness in her neck, Pinky would smugly declare herself Ultimate Hide and Seek Champion of 2011, which she would then lord over her friends for the rest of the year.

Pinky May Be In A Pickle

Pinky had eaten an entire jar of pickles, and was working on a second.  She just couldn’t stop.  She loved pickles, not only because they tasted delicious, but also because they were virtually calorie-free, so she could eat a bunch without ruining her diet.  Still, though, she thought to herself, it was unusual that she couldn’t seem to put the pickle jar down.  She was craving them at the moment.  Wait a minute…  She wasn’t…  No, she couldn’t be.  You have to, you know, and she hadn’t done that in a long time.  But supposedly when you were up the spout you craved random foods, foods like pickles…  No.  No.  There was no way.  Was there?  No.  Absolutely not.  She hoped…

Sigh… It’s So Hard To Be Us…

Pinky and Annabella had tired themselves out after a rough day of antiquing and shopping in Old Town.  It was so taxing trying to find that perfect vintage drawer-pull for Pinky’s kitchen, and so harrowing to figure out which designer handbag would go perfectly with Annabella’s dress for the gala.  Now it was time to sit down, drink a latte, and determine which of the men passing by had enough money to keep them in the lap of luxury.

No Love In This Elevator

Pinky lived on the second floor of a ten-story apartment building.  There was an unspoken rule that anyone who lived on the second or third floors should take the stairs, leaving the elevator free for those who lived higher.  Any second- or third-floor tenant who rode with an upper-floor tenant risked dirty looks when exiting the elevator, because the higher-ups didn’t like the delay in their ride.  So when Pinky brought her friends over one evening and didn’t see anyone else waiting for the elevator, she took the opportunity to be lazy and catch a rare ride up one floor.  Unfortunately, it seemed that elevator karma had given her a swift kick in the ass, as they just happened to get stuck between the first and second floors.  They’d been stuck for 45 minutes so far, and tensions were running high.  Darlene really had to go to the bathroom, and Ellie was beginning to succumb to an attack of severe claustrophobia.  Plus, Pinky was afraid that when they finally did get out, her upper-floor neighbors would discover that she was the source of the elevator hold-up and unforgivingly shun her at the apartment pool parties come summer.

Another Family Portrait Ruined

Photobombed again!  It seems like every time I get the three of us together to take a picture, Elmo pops out of nowhere and sticks his annoying little orange nose in it.  All I want is one nice picture!  Just one!  Is that too much to ask?  Just one nice picture I can hang over the mantle!

This Is Why My Closet Is Full

Pinky couldn’t decide if she really wanted the hat, or if she just wanted it because it was on sale.  It was kind of ugly, but she had trouble resisting the words “seventy-five percent off.”  She was pretty sure that someone had once said to her, “If you wouldn’t buy it for full price, don’t buy it on sale,” but she could never seem to think clearly when she was standing in front of a discount rack.  In the end, Pinky would buy the hat, wear it once, forget about it until about a year later when she cleaned out her closet, and then donate it to charity, like she did with most of her impulse purchases.

When You Said Whirlpool, I Thought You Meant Jacuzzi

This was so not what Annabella had in mind when the girls suggested a spa day.

People Are Staring

If Ellie had had any idea how much of a lush Pinky Tuskadero was, she never would have invited her out for happy hour. This was supposed to be a classy bar, and here was Pinky, double-fisting, and with sangria, of all things.