The Great Lighting Debacle Of 2010

As Princess struggled to contain her embarrassment and indignation, Larry tried desperately to suppress a fit of helpless giggling.  He suspected that other people did not have the same trouble hanging Christmas lights that she did.  Seriously, the girl was a disaster when it came to holiday decorating.  This was even funnier than that time she had tried to carve a jack-o-lantern and ended up with mushed pumpkin in her ears. 

Diet Schmiet

Ugh.  You eat healthy and exercise for months, manage to lose a few pounds, and then one long weekend of eating and drinking with friends ruins your good efforts and you put it all back on again.  How frustrating.

Fasten Your Seat Belts

Princess had failed her driver’s test the first time around, and she wasn’t feeling a whole lot better the second time around.  She had screwed up royally the first time, making a right turn on a red light where it was specifically posted “No Turn On Red.”  She wasn’t sure if it was nerves, or the fact that the sign had been mostly obscured by tree branches, but either way, she hadn’t even made it around the block.  Did you know that when you disobey a traffic sign, they don’t even let you finish the end of the test?  They just direct you back to the parking lot of the DMV, which in Princess’ case was only half a block behind her.  Today was her second time attempting to pass, and she really didn’t want to have to come back again for a third time.  Confidence was not her strong point, and neither, it seemed, was driving.

Eight.

That’s how many H-less Wonder characters it takes to change a lightbulb.

He Has A Third What?

Wow.  Mr. Squishy knew tons of juicy gossip.  Now that he mentioned it, Quack and Porco Puerco did seem to have a different sort of relationship.  Annabella did seem kind of loopy a lot of the time, maybe she was on some sort of mood-altering substance.  And she could certainly believe that Elmo had been caught poking around in his girlfriend’s naughty drawer.  Hmm.  Princess wasn’t sure how Mr. Squishy knew any of this, or if it was true, but it made her wonder what he might be saying about her when she had her back turned.  She sure hoped he didn’t know about that one time in Cancun….

Jenny Craig Would Be So Disappointed

OMG, I did not just eat that entire tray of cookies.  Please tell me I did not just stuff my face with half a pound of butter’s worth of shortbread.  I am going to be so ashamed at weigh-in this week.

No One Appreciates Me Like Me

Princess was finally finished knitting the blanket that she’d been working on for the past six months.  Originally, it was intended to be a present for her niece, but now that she was finished, she was having second thoughts about giving it away.  That ungrateful little brat would never appreciate all the work Princess had put into the blanket.  Maybe she’d just keep it for herself.  No one had to know.

Another Family Portrait Ruined

Photobombed again!  It seems like every time I get the three of us together to take a picture, Elmo pops out of nowhere and sticks his annoying little orange nose in it.  All I want is one nice picture!  Just one!  Is that too much to ask?  Just one nice picture I can hang over the mantle!

Hey, Hand Me That Loofah

Oh my God! Get out of here with that camera! I’m naked in here, you pervert! Get out! Out!

Etude For Two Hands And Trunk

Princess was getting nervous about the upcoming recital. What if the piano was out of tune? What if she made a mistake? What if her nose got in the way of the sheet music? Oh, God, she felt like she was gonna barf.