Listen closely, children, and I’ll tell you things that will make your blood run cold… The oil in the Gulf of Mexico will be around for years to come… Christine O’Donnell doesn’t know anything about the Constitution… Your cell phone might give you cancer… Google knows where you are at any given moment…
What do you mean that’s not the kind of scare you wanted?
Happy Fourth of July from the H-Less wonder! Sadly, this is the only combination of red, white and blue we could come up with.
“Love me, love my family,” she had said to Mr. Squishy at the beginning of their relationship. He knew when he married Mrs. Poopmonster that her six kids would become a huge part of his life. But did they really have to come out with them tonight? To a nice dinner? On their anniversary?
Happy Anniversary, husband.
Gary, Jerry, Barry, Harry, Terri, and Carrie, in an attempt to do something nice for Mother’s Day, had undertaken the task of completing the household chores, and were currently in the process of folding copious amounts of laundry. No wonder their mother was tired all the time. It seemed never ending. The sock pile alone had kept them occupied for the better part of an hour. 
To Mrs. Poopmonster, identity theft was no laughing matter. She was what one might call religious about protecting every last tiny bit of information about her and her family. So while you might think that a paper shredder is a crappy gift, Mrs. Poopmonster’s kids knew she would love it, and she did. It wasn’t just any paper shredder. It was a cross-cutting paper shredder! She was delighted beyond words.
