Because Sometimes You Just Have To Dance

31 01 2010

It was just an ordinary Sunday, like all the Sundays that had come before.  And then someone turned on the radio, which was mysteriously tuned to Radio Latino.  Gloria Estefan was playing.  They could feel the rhythm of the music getting stronger.  They knew they couldn’t control themselves any longer.  And then, although no one could tell you who started it, they shook their bodies, baby, and they did that conga.


Domestic Bliss

29 01 2010

Last year, Mr. Squishy’s average Friday night was spent out on the town, pounding Jager with the boys and getting down and dirty with the ladies.  This year, it was more like doing laundry and watching CSI reruns with his pookiemuffin.  It was only when he stopped to think, “Dear God, I’m ironing my honey bunny’s frilly blouses,” that he realized how much his life had truly changed.  And, though he hated to admit it, how much he liked it.

But It’s 50 Degrees Out There Today

28 01 2010

Now listen to me, young lady, when you’re my age, you’ll care more about staying warm than looking cool.

No One Appreciates Me Like Me

27 01 2010

Princess was finally finished knitting the blanket that she’d been working on for the past six months.  Originally, it was intended to be a present for her niece, but now that she was finished, she was having second thoughts about giving it away.  That ungrateful little brat would never appreciate all the work Princess had put into the blanket.  Maybe she’d just keep it for herself.  No one had to know.

Pub Quiz

26 01 2010

Ok, fine, so technically there were only four members to a team, but Tim and the others were convinced that that other team (who called themselves “Doctor Google,” the cocky bastards) were also cheating.  Porko Puerco and Kevin had both seen the other team’s members using their cell phones in the middle of the quiz, which was strictly forbidden.  Plus, one of  Doctor Google’s members was good friends with the bartender, who wrote the questions every week, and Tim was pretty sure that they were getting answers ahead of time.  If it so happened that Tim and the other members of Team Fuzzypants ever won the quiz, well, they’d deal with the consequences of having five members then.  Until that day, though, they would just drink their pints and try to expose Doctor Google’s cheating ways.

Insert Witty Comment Here

23 01 2010

Tim is sorry.  Why, you ask, is he sorry?  He’s sorry because I (me being the author) suck and have a lot of housework to do before my mother comes to visit next week and must take a day or two off from the H-Less Wonder.  I mean, I haven’t even put away my Christmas tree yet, for pete’s sake.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s down, but the ornaments are still all on the floor waiting to be put away, and all the lights are still strung around the apartment.  There are dishes to be done, and Mrs. Poopmonster can’t do them all by herself.  And of course I have to go to work, too.  So Tim is sorry that I am taking a couple days off to clean up the sty I call home so that my mother does not silently judge me while she’s sleeping on the couch.  Only a couple, though.  The H-Less Wonder will return in three days at the latest.  Tim is also sorry he has no eyes anymore, but that’s another story.

Another Family Portrait Ruined

21 01 2010

Photobombed again!  It seems like every time I get the three of us together to take a picture, Elmo pops out of nowhere and sticks his annoying little orange nose in it.  All I want is one nice picture!  Just one!  Is that too much to ask?  Just one nice picture I can hang over the mantle!