Seriously, Mom, Enough Is Enough

30 04 2010

Samantha had been subjected to yet another of her mother’s photo ops, this time in front of a statue of legendary panda warrior and bamboo farmer Ding Ding the Destroyer.  She was growing rather tired of posing for all these pictures, and it was made worse by her mother’s insistence that every shot be taken at least three times.  As she forced a smile, Samantha heard familiar voices approaching.  Oh, no!  It was Billy from school!  And he’d seen her!  Well, crap.  She was sure she was going to hear about this in the cafeteria on Monday.  As if school wasn’t hard enough, now she would have to deal with the added embarrassment of being seen with her mother in public.

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Eight.

28 04 2010

That’s how many H-less Wonder characters it takes to change a lightbulb.





Can You Hear Me Now? I Haven’t Moved!

25 04 2010

In these days of ubiquitous cell phones, Tim was shocked to find an actual pay phone, but he was less shocked to discover that it didn’t work.





He Has A Third What?

23 04 2010

Wow.  Mr. Squishy knew tons of juicy gossip.  Now that he mentioned it, Quack and Porco Puerco did seem to have a different sort of relationship.  Annabella did seem kind of loopy a lot of the time, maybe she was on some sort of mood-altering substance.  And she could certainly believe that Elmo had been caught poking around in his girlfriend’s naughty drawer.  Hmm.  Princess wasn’t sure how Mr. Squishy knew any of this, or if it was true, but it made her wonder what he might be saying about her when she had her back turned.  She sure hoped he didn’t know about that one time in Cancun….





He Doesn’t Need The Empty Calories, Anyway

20 04 2010

This was so aggravating.  The stupid soda machine had taken Gunda Bear’s money, but had not dispensed the tasty beverage he wanted.  He had phoned the “For Service” number posted on the side of the machine, but gotten fed up after being on hold for fifteen minutes and eventually hung up.  Kicking the machine didn’t work either, as it was far bigger and heavier than Gunda, and only served to give him a nice bruise on his toe.  Soda Machine:  One.  Gunda Bear:  Zero.





There’s Still No Excuse For Battlefield Earth

17 04 2010

I’m telling you, it’s a cult.  They get pretty people like Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley to be unofficial spokespeople, and then when they think you’re interested, they won’t tell you exactly what’s going on, so you are curious and have to buy their book.  I mean, nobody would join if they just had a normal spiel like the Mormons, but I guess everyone figures, “Hey, I just spent money on this crappy L. Ron Hubbard book, I might as well get my money’s worth out of this thing.”  Sheesh.





This Market Is Not Really That Marvelous

16 04 2010

Lucky could tell that this bread wasn’t from today’s batch.  It lacked the pleasant give of a fresh loaf, and he was pretty sure he’d seen the exact same one here yesterday.  Having grown up with a mother who excelled in the kitchen, Lucky could always tell when the baked goods were fresh, which this bread most certainly was not.  Still, though, he hated to see food go to waste, and decided he’d take it if he could get the clerk to knock fifty percent off the price.  (His mother, in addition to passing on her knowledge in the kitchen, also taught him that a good deal should never be passed up).