Not Cool, Dude. Not Cool.

28 06 2010

Don’t leave me hanging, man.  When you use the last of the toilet paper, please put on a new roll.


Fasten Your Seat Belts

24 06 2010

Princess had failed her driver’s test the first time around, and she wasn’t feeling a whole lot better the second time around.  She had screwed up royally the first time, making a right turn on a red light where it was specifically posted “No Turn On Red.”  She wasn’t sure if it was nerves, or the fact that the sign had been mostly obscured by tree branches, but either way, she hadn’t even made it around the block.  Did you know that when you disobey a traffic sign, they don’t even let you finish the end of the test?  They just direct you back to the parking lot of the DMV, which in Princess’ case was only half a block behind her.  Today was her second time attempting to pass, and she really didn’t want to have to come back again for a third time.  Confidence was not her strong point, and neither, it seemed, was driving.

And Now For Something Completely Different

21 06 2010

I had a witty post planned for today about an elephant driving a car, but my computer has decided to electronically shun my camera’s memory card, and therefore I cannot put up the picture that I was originally planning.  However, I do not like to leave my loyal H-Less Wonderers without a laugh for too long, and so today I give to you the hindquarters of a rubber chicken sticking out of an airplane wing.  At the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.  Which nobody could explain.  Even the docent leading the tour I was on said, “Must be somebody’s idea of a joke.”  Either that, or somebody is terribly historically misinformed.I suppose if anyone would like to take a crack at their own H-Less Wonder story, you can have at the chicken picture.  Go for it!

Nobody Panic

18 06 2010

Fire alarms are a pain in the butt.  On the one hand, you hope that there isn’t really a fire because having your apartment burn down would really put a damper on your day.  On the other hand, if it was some clown pulling the alarm as some sort of joke, ruining your meditative yoga workout, wasting your time (and tax dollars, because the fire department is going to have to come out here and inspect every floor before giving the all-clear sign), well then, that person better run and hope you don’t find them, because when you do, you are going to give them a BIG piece of your mind.

This Is Going To Cost A Small Fortune

15 06 2010

“Love me, love my family,” she had said to Mr. Squishy at the beginning of their relationship.  He knew when he married Mrs. Poopmonster that her six kids would become a huge part of his life.  But did they really have to come out with them tonight?  To a nice dinner?  On their anniversary?Happy Anniversary, husband.


12 06 2010

In the hours leading up to the much-hyped USA v. England match, Alistair tried to explain the offsides rule to his American friends, who didn’t appear to know or care that much about football (oh, ahem, excuse me, they call it “soccer” here).  He didn’t really know why he bothered.  What was the point of teaching them the subtle nuances of a game they were just going to forget about after World Cup for the next four years, anyway?  England was going to crush these uncultured former colonists.

Things That I Am Anal-Retentive About #387

8 06 2010

Tim is very particular about making sure that his checkbook is balanced to the penny after every transaction.  He doesn’t really trust online banking (darn new-fangled technology), so he makes sure to double-check everything on paper using the amazing skills of addition and subtraction that he has honed so finely since kindergarten.  The happy face sticker was placed on his checkbook in a not-so-effective attempt to remind him not to freak out when his account is not perfectly balanced.  Once in a while, Tim needs to be reminded that in the digital age, certain transactions take time to post, and therefore the amount shown in the online banking summary may not match what’s on paper.