****ing Metro!

20 10 2011

 

Normally, when there were delays in the subway, Alistair would just stick it out underground and wait, no matter how long it took for the train to arrive.  Today, for God-knows-what reason, when he saw the “Please add a half-hour to your travel time” on the notification board, he decided that he would just come back up and take a cab to work.  Normally, his neighborhood was overrun with taxis, always honking their horns and hogging the pumps at the petrol station, but of course on the one day he wanted one, there were none in sight.  How aggravating.  Fifteen minutes wasted in the metro station, and ten minutes standing on this corner like a cheap tart, going nowhere.  Alistair supposed he might as well start walking, although he was going to be seriously late no matter how he got to work at this stage.  God, he hated being late.  Stupid subway.





You Mean This Doesn’t Inspire Fear?

31 10 2010

Bear had worked really hard on his Halloween costume, and was somewhat miffed that he had to constantly explain what he was to people.  He was a jellyfish, goddammit.  More than one of his friends had said that jellyfish were not scary creatures, but Bear begged to differ.  The box jellyfish is the most poisonous creature on the planet.  Isn’t that a frightening fact?  Alistair said the costume was so pink and frilly it looked more appropriate for a gay pride parade than trick-or-treating.  Whatever.  They were all just jealous that he had a kick-ass costume and they hadn’t bothered to dress up at all, the unfestive party-poopers.





This Is The ONLY Tea Party I Approve Of

28 08 2010

Alistair and Lucky had both come from countries that had historically had their differences of opinion with each other.  Nevertheless, their friendship found a strong foundation on their mutual love of (and dependence on) having a cup of tea every morning.  For at least a few minutes every day, they put their politics aside and agreed that the tea was best with a little milk and one spoonful of sugar.





USA! USA! USA!

12 06 2010

In the hours leading up to the much-hyped USA v. England match, Alistair tried to explain the offsides rule to his American friends, who didn’t appear to know or care that much about football (oh, ahem, excuse me, they call it “soccer” here).  He didn’t really know why he bothered.  What was the point of teaching them the subtle nuances of a game they were just going to forget about after World Cup for the next four years, anyway?  England was going to crush these uncultured former colonists.





I Want My Shoes To Match My Hat

13 04 2010

Hello?  Hello?  Is there any service out here?  I would like my shoes shined, please.  If you’re not going to provide sidewalk service, don’t put a shoeshine chair on the sidewalk!





I Don’t See Any Scones. Or Crumpets.

24 03 2010

I was told there was some sort of tea party down here, and yet I see a distinct lack of chamomile or Earl Grey.





This Never Happened, OK?

21 02 2010

Oh!  Um, hi.  I was just in the closet, um, looking for something.  What?  What purple satiny thing?  Oh, this?  God, it must have fallen off a hanger or something.  And over my head.  Gosh, um, how strange…