The H-Less Wonder Goes to the Washington Auto Show: Vintage Fiat Edition

5 02 2011

Omg!  This car was SO cute!  Darlene wanted one SO badly.  Never mind that it was so small you couldn’t fit so much as a suitcase or a even a large watermelon in it, it was undeniably adorable.  Never mind that she’d never be able to afford such a well-kept vintage car, she wanted it.  WANTED it.  How could you not want this little ray of vehicular sunshine?  It was SOOO cute!!!





It’ll Grow Out Eventually

8 12 2010

What do you mean, “Oops”?





And The Lobster’s Red Glare…

4 07 2010

Happy Fourth of July from the H-Less wonder!  Sadly, this is the only combination of red, white and blue we could come up with.





Boogerface

17 05 2010

Darlene had spent the entire day lying on the couch blowing her nose and watching reruns of Desperate Housewives on Lifetime.  She hated being sick (doesn’t everyone), but she was especially peeved about all the nose-blowing.  Her nostils were beginning to chafe (those tissues with lotion and aloe made it less bad, but didn’t eliminate the problem entirely), and she really had to wonder where all the snot came from.  No matter how many times she blew out her sinuses, two minutes later there was more snot.  She had to have blown out an entire head’s worth of the stuff by now.  Gross.





In The Doghouse, Unknowingly

9 03 2010

Lucky couldn’t figure out why this date night was not turning out as he had hoped.  He thought he had planned this evening so well, with the wine, the flowers and the roaring fireplace.  This was supposed to be every girl’s dream of romance, wasn’t it?  Darlene was stewing silently though, angry that Lucky had forgotten her birthday last week.  If he couldn’t figure out why she was mad, she definitely wasn’t going to tell him.  She was going to make him suffer.  She’d let him wallow in insecurity for at least another week before forgiving him.





No Love In This Elevator

24 02 2010

Pinky lived on the second floor of a ten-story apartment building.  There was an unspoken rule that anyone who lived on the second or third floors should take the stairs, leaving the elevator free for those who lived higher.  Any second- or third-floor tenant who rode with an upper-floor tenant risked dirty looks when exiting the elevator, because the higher-ups didn’t like the delay in their ride.  So when Pinky brought her friends over one evening and didn’t see anyone else waiting for the elevator, she took the opportunity to be lazy and catch a rare ride up one floor.  Unfortunately, it seemed that elevator karma had given her a swift kick in the ass, as they just happened to get stuck between the first and second floors.  They’d been stuck for 45 minutes so far, and tensions were running high.  Darlene really had to go to the bathroom, and Ellie was beginning to succumb to an attack of severe claustrophobia.  Plus, Pinky was afraid that when they finally did get out, her upper-floor neighbors would discover that she was the source of the elevator hold-up and unforgivingly shun her at the apartment pool parties come summer.





Stop Me If I Start To Turn Orange

15 01 2010

Darlene wondered why in the world she should pay top dollar to go to some fancy-schmancy tanning salon when she had a perfectly practical and cheap option at home.  She was just using the light, though.  She wasn’t going to pull a Sylvia Plath or any nonsense like that.