So Long And Take Care Of My Fish*

21 04 2011

As he waited to board the bus, Gustav could hardly believe that after months of thinking about it, he was finally moving to big, bad New York City.  He had no job waiting there, and no apartment, just one generous friend with a spare couch and a connection or two that he hoped would prove useful.  He already missed the friends he’d made here, especially Mr. Octopus, in whom he’d found a running partner and bestie for life.  Mr. Octopus had been kind enough to help him pack for the journey, and Gustav was actually pretty impressed that he’d managed to cram all of his belongings into one suitcase, one duffel and a shoulder bag.  At least he was prepared in the luggage department.  He’d worry about employment and lodging when he got there.  As the motor of the bus started its diesel-fueled hum, Gustav wondered if he was being outrageously ballsy or incredibly stupid.  He’d just have to have faith and go with ballsy.

*Dedicated to Ed, who I wish lots of luck, and to whom I have entrusted the care of the only H-Less Wonderer to ever leave my possession.

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Not-So-Secret After All

25 12 2010

Secret Santa givers were supposed to be a mystery.  Kevin could tell immediately by the shitty wrap job and pathetic bow that his gift was from Peanut.  Everybody knew the monkey couldn’t decently wrap a present to save his life.

It’s the thought that counts.  Merry Christmas, everyone!





Windows To The Sole

10 04 2010

Gustav and Mr. Octopus had both been told, on separate occasions, that they had beady little eyes, and their feelings were a little bit hurt.  Their eyes didn’t look anything like these little things!





Sentenced To Life Aquatic

5 03 2010

Gustav had volunteered to mentor the troubled youth who were locked up at the local juvenile detention center.  Supposedly they had expressed interest in turning their lives around and making something of themselves, but Gustav couldn’t help feeling that he just wasn’t getting through to them.  It was like these kids were living in their own little world.





Finding Emo

10 02 2010

Gustav and Mr. Octopus’ band had hit it big with their first single, a punk-rock rendition of the Disney classic “Under the Sea.”  However, they were learning that success came with many challenging questions.  What would their second single be?  (They didn’t want to be one-hit wonders, after all).  Should they or shouldn’t they add a tambourine player to the band?  Should they hire extra security to fend off the crazed groupies?  And, most importantly, how much would they have to pay for custom instruments small enough so that they didn’t have to share one bass guitar?  They didn’t want to repeat that embarrassing incident on SNL when Gustav played an F sharp and Mr. Octopus plucked the wrong string…





Technology Is Great… When It Works

13 01 2010

Blackberry and Gustav were frustrated.  The printer display kept flashing “paper jam,” but they had checked and double-checked the tray, and not only was it not jammed, it was full of clean, unwrinkled paper.  Furthermore, the ink cartridge had just been replaced so they knew it wasn’t empty, and they had also double checked the power source and the connection to the computer.  Everything seemed to be in working order.  So why the hell wouldn’t the damn printer just print already?





Cannibalism Never Tasted So Good

4 12 2009

Oh, no! Sheila, is that you?