Sun, Sand and Sexy Times

31 08 2012

Puff had forgotten what a bad companion Hula Girl was when they went to the beach.  All she did was ogle the lifeguards and shake her little grass skirt at every board-shorted surfer passing by.  At least it wasn’t as bad as that time that they had “accidentally” wandered on to that nudist beach when they were traveling around Europe.  Hula Girl had been less than discreet about her temporary infatuation with the naked Spaniard sunning himself on the next towel over, while all Puff had noticed were how many UNattractive people there were on the beach.  For fuck’s sake, that old guy’s dangly bits had been nearly down to his knees, and that woman’s nipples were as big as pie plates.  She knew that Europeans had a more liberal mentality when it came to these things, but Puff was quite happy to never go to one of those places again.  Naked ugly people scared her.





St. Patrick’s Day Is Fun. The Morning After, Not So Much.

18 03 2011

Apparently, “Kiss me, I’m Irish” had turned into “Come home with me, I’m Irish.”  It seemed Lucky had had a good night last night, although he was a little fuzzy on the details.  Now, who was she and how was he supposed to tell her to leave?





But I’m Not Even 30 Yet!

14 08 2010

This was awful.  A couple weeks ago, Puff had found her first gray hair, and now it seemed they were popping up everywhere.  If she started plucking them all out, she’d have no hair left.  If she dyed it, she thought people would be able to tell, which didn’t seem right.  She didn’t know what to do.  Hula Girl tried to make Puff feel better, telling her that it was okay, that the grays weren’t very noticeable, and even if they were, they only made her look more sophisticated.  Easy for her to say, Puff thought.  That bitch never aged.  She was probably going to look the same until they pried that damn ukelele out of her cold, dead hands.





The Difference Between Pilates And Pirates Is An “Arrrrgh”

31 05 2010

Puff and Annabella were serious about trying to get in shape, but these core workouts had proven to be a little more challenging than Puff had anticipated.





Please Enter Your PIN

31 03 2010

Puff could have sworn there was more money in her account than what she was now seeing on the ATM screen.  Was it possible somebody had her debit card number and was making unauthorized transactions?  It was like all the money had disappeared overnight.  Although now that she thought about it, last night was kind of fuzzy.  Actually, last night was real fuzzy.  Crap.  It looked like she was just going to have to wait until payday on Friday to eat again.





Priorities

28 12 2009

Puff had just gotten another text message. She felt compelled to answer it, but she’d just gotten a manicure and her claws were still wet. By the time they dried off, she knew she’d have forgotten all about the text, so she debated with herself: Answer it and risk messing up the paint job on her lovely claws, or just forget about it and face the wrath of her shunned friend the next day? In the end, Puff went with shunning the friend. He’d forgive her (probably), and that manicure wasn’t cheap.





I’ll Deck YOUR Halls, Buddy

3 12 2009

As Puff hung precariously from the branches of the Christmas tree, she tried to remember the spirit of the holiday season. If Tim didn’t like where she and the monkey put the ornaments, why didn’t he just decorate the damn tree himself?
*for Adrian