You Can’t Frape The Willing

30 09 2012

Tim had come home from a relaxing Sunday dinner party with friends, and was looking forward to spending the rest of the evening in the peace and quiet of his own living room.  Getting in the way of this goal was the unfortunate fact that his phone had been constantly beeping with notification messages ever since he had left the party.  Finally checking the phone, Tim discovered that “42 people liked” and “23 people commented on” his wall post on Facebook.  Wall post?  Tim hadn’t been on Facebook in three days, at least.  What was this nonsense all about?  Tim opened his profile, and to his dismay saw a status update that said, “I just shaved part of my body for the first time, go ahead and guess which part…”  What?  How in the dickens did that get there?  Did some little cyber-punk hack into his account?  Thinking back, Tim realized that he had left his phone unattended on the table for two minutes while he went to the bathroom before he had departed the dinner party.  Since he never bothered to sign out of his Facebook, one of his crafty bastard friends must have opened up the internet on his phone and put that there. Whoever it was probably thought they were so bleeping clever. When he found out who did this, somebody was going to pay.


I Might Be Part Magpie Because I Like Shiny Things

7 08 2012

Look at her, Ellie thought bitterly, trying to prance around in those damn sparkly heels.  Yes, Annabella’s shoes were silver and pretty, yes, they perfectly matched the dress that she had bought for the upcoming wedding they were both attending, and yes, they made her calves look thinner, but Ellie could tell that she was having trouble standing upright for any length of time or walking even a short distance.  Ellie surmised that thirty minutes into the wedding reception those shoes would be kicked off under the table for comfort’s sake, or else Annabella would totter around on the dance floor all night and pay for it with terrible blisters.  Ellie surmised also that Annabella would appear tall and fabulous and get all the boys’ attention, while she herself would refuse to suffer in the name of fashion and end up dancing alone.  Ugh.  Between podiatric stability and shagging an available groomsman, she really wasn’t sure which was the better option.

Bah Humbear

25 12 2011

Tim wasn’t entirely sure that the stockings had been hung with care.  They were  kind of askew, actually, which annoyed him a bit.  And whoever had decorated this tree had apparently forgotten that there were other colors in the rainbow besides red.  But even though someone was seriously deficient in decorating prowess, Tim had decided that he would put aside his opinons and have a good time.  Merry Christmas, everybody.


18 11 2011

Every Friday, Lucky treats his co-workers to a new “Irish Proverb of the Week.”  This week’s wisdom is, “There are other ways of killing a pig than by choking it with butter.”  It’s complete nonsense, but he can say anything with that accent of his and everyone thinks it’s clever and charming.

****ing Metro!

20 10 2011


Normally, when there were delays in the subway, Alistair would just stick it out underground and wait, no matter how long it took for the train to arrive.  Today, for God-knows-what reason, when he saw the “Please add a half-hour to your travel time” on the notification board, he decided that he would just come back up and take a cab to work.  Normally, his neighborhood was overrun with taxis, always honking their horns and hogging the pumps at the petrol station, but of course on the one day he wanted one, there were none in sight.  How aggravating.  Fifteen minutes wasted in the metro station, and ten minutes standing on this corner like a cheap tart, going nowhere.  Alistair supposed he might as well start walking, although he was going to be seriously late no matter how he got to work at this stage.  God, he hated being late.  Stupid subway.

Actually, All Of These Reasons Are Somewhat Relevant

31 05 2011

You could say that you are busy at work and there is a lot to do around the house.  You could say that the hot weather and humidity are sucking your will to live.  You could say that you are trying to finish knitting that baby blanket before your friend’s kid is too big to use it.  You could say that you’d rather go to a baseball game or drink margaritas or meet friends for trivia night.  Or you could just admit you’ve turned into an uninspired, lazy bastard and that this whole “keeping the blog updated” thing is hard.

St. Patrick’s Day Is Fun. The Morning After, Not So Much.

18 03 2011

Apparently, “Kiss me, I’m Irish” had turned into “Come home with me, I’m Irish.”  It seemed Lucky had had a good night last night, although he was a little fuzzy on the details.  Now, who was she and how was he supposed to tell her to leave?