‘Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving

25 11 2015

Larry had a minor claw cramp from apple-peeling. He also had some major anxiety about whether this pie was going to be okay for the feast tomorrow, given that his track record was maybe 50/50 in the dessert department. Last year his crust was too crumbly at Thanksgiving and too soggy at Christmas, and then of course there was that time a few years back that his pie turned out like apple soup in something that somewhat resembled dough. He hoped that the generous sprinkling of bourbon and pats of butter hidden beneath the crust would forgive any potential disasters.

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If You Can’t Control Yourself, You Deserve The Hangover

1 01 2011

It appeared that Annabella had enjoyed herself last night.  At least she had made it home this year, which was an improvement on last year.  At least she’d managed not to lose her keys.  At least she’d made it halfway in the front door.  Maybe next year she’d make it all the way inside.

Happy New Year!  Good luck in 2011!





And The Lord Commandeth, “Go Forth And Shop”

29 12 2010

Mrs. Poopmonster had always been an atheist.  She had never expected that Jesus would appear to her on the discount holiday shelf while she was perusing the after-Christmas sales.  Or that he would be so sparkly.





Not-So-Secret After All

25 12 2010

Secret Santa givers were supposed to be a mystery.  Kevin could tell immediately by the shitty wrap job and pathetic bow that his gift was from Peanut.  Everybody knew the monkey couldn’t decently wrap a present to save his life.

It’s the thought that counts.  Merry Christmas, everyone!





The Great Lighting Debacle Of 2010

23 12 2010

As Princess struggled to contain her embarrassment and indignation, Larry tried desperately to suppress a fit of helpless giggling.  He suspected that other people did not have the same trouble hanging Christmas lights that she did.  Seriously, the girl was a disaster when it came to holiday decorating.  This was even funnier than that time she had tried to carve a jack-o-lantern and ended up with mushed pumpkin in her ears. 





Once Again, Procrastination Proves Detrimental

24 11 2010

Why, oh why, had he waited until today to do his Thanksgiving shopping?  Mr. Squishy knew that the lines at the grocery store would be bad tonight, but he had been waiting twenty-five minutes already and was only now approaching the checkout counter.  Year after year, he told himself that he wouldn’t wait until Wednesday evening to buy his turkey and trimmings, but once again he had put off his grocery run until the last minute and now he was paying the price.  Next year would be different, he promised himself.  Next year he would wise up and have his refrigerator stocked by the Monday before Thanksgiving.  For now, unfortunately, he’d just have to suffer a while longer while the lady in front of him took out about a hundred coupons and wrote out a personal check.